larvae

i can see/feel it wiggling just under the surface of my skin.
my skin is shiny over the little mound of it.
it feels nice like bliss or peace or delight.
i delight in the oddity of it's little bump.

this little wiggle is happiness. and it's mine.

like they do

kerjillions of stars
kerjillions of kisses
kerjillions of reasons
kerjillions of fountains
kerjillions of smiles
kerjillions of breaths
kerjillions of slivers
kerjillions of droplets
kerjillions of truths
kerjillions of days
kerjillions of secrets
kerjillions of letters
kerjillions of angels
kerjillions of alleys
kerjillions of wishes
kerjillions of ways

I

can't
breathe

(please show me how.)

Diamonds fall from your mouth,

Not air, not what I need of you.

You watch me twist so you can spew
diamonds,

Perfect diamonds. Put your mouth on mine
and still I cannot breathe.

No air escapes, just diamonds,
diamonds
from the mouth of
a corpse.

Bask in yourself
while you let
me die.

You're fucking amazing.
(I should be grateful to waste in your light.)

oh, brother

DELMAR:
Now wuddya suppose is eatin' George?

EVERETT:
Well ya know, Delmar, they say that with a thrill-seekin' personality, what goes up must come down. Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next. Yep, it's like our friend George is a alley cat and his own damn humors're swingin' him by the tail. But don't worry, Delmar; he'll be back on top again. I don't think we've heard the last of George Nelson.

Delmar, gazing out at the blackness that has closed over George Nelson, hasn't really been listening. He turns sadly back.

DELMAR:
Damn! I liked George.

harmony

beautiful day. beautiful ride. up at 5:30, to estes and back and fucking out of sight.

If I exorcise my devils
Well, my angels may leave, too.

i can't tell the difference anymore. maybe there is none.

I want to buy you

Cheap white plastic shoes
That don't walk out and don't let in

perfect

.

and you're right.
i close my eyes and there it is...
but it's not you.
it's just
you
fucking with my head

(as you have,
as you are,
as you will)

in my brain... and i'm so blind.

god, i miss you.

sick little voyeur

i told him several times, in several emails, over the course of a single week that i didn't want to know where k. was. i didn't want to hear about him. i was trying to move on. i told him how hard it was for me. why would i want someone who doesn't want me? why would i want to be reminded?

so what does he do? he emails me a link to his own and tells me i'll find k. there. and he says it was a mistake. oops.

but i'm not mad. i'm disappointed in myself for not knowing better.