hanging around camp

had a couple of days with intermittent internet. just got around to reading about pursuit.

couple of days ago lex was telling me it was the chase. he likes the chase. he likes his women a little hard to get. he says it's more fun that way, more romantic, more playful, sexy.

i thought about it and told him i don't work that way. i have to chase and mind-game every aspect of my life: work and teenagers and making ends meet. i told him sexy in my world is the having of it. for instance, actually getting off the plane and being somewhere else, actually eating the tomatoes i grew, actually using a jigsaw and a drill and a hammer and actually enjoying a man who just makes love to me all the time. don't fall into the trap of going for the easy interpretation here. i mean a man who wants to make love to my head and my strengths and my foolishness, too. a man who wants to fuck me, not fuck around with me.

you can call it romancing or fucking or making love... i would enjoy having all three, but the thing is, i don't get off on the the chase of it. i like the actual take it back to camp and enjoy of it.

otherwise, i would just rather do without. if it's the chase, then you're doing without, anyway.


on the same note, i saw lucinda at red rocks friday night. she looked tired and strung out and was holding a few more pounds. she looked how i felt. her voice was really about the best i've heard her, though, and i went down close and listened and drank way too much. might just be my eyes, but she seemed done with the chase, too.