now

i guess i feel better for saying those things. there. done.

i think it's interesting how little it takes of knowing someone to know how to make them feel good and how much more you can hurt someone when you know a depth of them.

i spent the past few months getting to know someone but not in a way where i was learning the negative, too. and so i was surprised when he knew how to hurt me. . and now i'm surprised (that's not the word... maybe stunned) that he says he didn't know it would hurt me.

regardless, there is no room for hurt in me these days. if it isn't good, i will turn away from it. it's not intention but necessity. there is no more room for pain in me. i don't mean to sound melodramatic but the fact is this last year hurt more and in more ways than i can deal with.

i make everything wonderful right now. it has to be.